The ‘cool girl’ was coined by Gillian Flynn in her novel Gone Girl, which described this type of woman in a monolog as:
‘Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.’ – Gone Girl 2012.
Men tend to use it as a compliment – ‘She’s not like other girls’ Women have been praised for rejecting mainstream femininity and being different or cool. This can appear in a multitude of ways, more likely than not, to fit the interests of the man she desires. In 2000s and 2010s films, she likes whatever the male protagonist likes and is basically a guy in a beautiful woman’s body. But why is it that women are being praised for distancing themselves from femininity? It boils down to internalised misogyny.
Misogyny can be defined as a dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. It promotes that anything associated or thought of as feminine should be mocked and ridiculed. When this message is fed to women from a young age, it can become internalised, and be believed as truth. It’s no wonder so many girls fall into this trap when we are shown so many negative portrayals of femininity in the media and in films. Women are conditioned to ‘compete’ against other women and compare ourselves to each other. The patriarchy manifests itself as a divisive force between women, pitting us against each other in order to maintain a patriarchal society where misogyny is rampant.
A key factor to remember is this 'cool girl' archetype only works if you are lucky enough to fall into the mainstream western beauty standard. Cool girls are effortlessly beautiful, while other girls are so high maintenance, Because Cool Girls are above all hot.
If you reading this realise that you have a tendency to use some ‘cool girl’ behaviours – don’t worry. I’m not writing this to make you feel ashamed or attack you, I used to try to fit into this ‘cool girl’ archetype until I realised what was actually going on. What being a ‘cool girl’ really is, is setting aside your true want, needs, and interests, in order to morph into who you think you need to be to earn love and respect. No one should have to shrink who they are to fit into an imaginary mould. Real life doesn’t have tropes and no characteristics should be mutually exclusive.
This archetype also assumes that there are only two types of girls. Cool girls, and basic girls. It goes without saying that this is ridiculous and false that there are only 2 categories for women to fit into… but this is what we are fed from society and the media.
Recently, people have begun calling women who embody the ‘cool girl’ or ‘not like other girls’ trope, ‘pick me girls’. Women who point out the ‘pick me girls’ may think that they are on the side of the feminism, trying to reverse the negativity placed on being feminine or ‘basic’ but really they are just encouraging more misogyny and judgement towards women. The people who embody this persona are really just internalising the environment around them, they don’t know they’re being sexist. If women ridicule each other for behaving as ‘pick me girls’, then what’s to say a man can’t do the same? Now we're beginning to follow the same pattern where women are divided and instead of supporting one another, we are ridiculing women for acting a certain way, AGAIN.
It seems like there’s no winning. It’s a vicious cycle for anyone who identifies as a woman. It’s so important to remember that girls are amazing, and we can have opposing interests and don’t need to fit into the boxes we see portrayed on screen. We need to let go of these limiting beliefs and mindset of fitting into boxes. Support other women and let them be whoever they want to be. We need a lot more of that!